if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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