i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize