I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
