the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
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