There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
