Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Randomize
