drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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