Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I looked at my own cervix.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Randomize
