I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
