This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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