I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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