life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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