Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
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