she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
