can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
