so that wasnt chicken after all
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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