toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
