goodnight i made you a song goodbye
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
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she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
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