I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
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