i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
We smell like vodka and hangover
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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