Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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