And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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