I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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