yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
