I like my sex mixed with concussions.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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