dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
