planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
