I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
