i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
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