you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
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