My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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