i already hear my dad disowning me
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
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I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
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Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
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