Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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