bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
if i died would you start the facebook group?
why do cheetos always look like penises
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
