i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
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I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
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There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
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