Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
