I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I am midnight drunk by noon
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
