I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Randomize
