Only a mothe r could love this liver
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
