Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I intend to get homeless drunk
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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