she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
