Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
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