giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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