the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
