She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
