Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
