I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Randomize
