All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
