its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
