Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Randomize
