If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
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