if i can run in heels then i can drive
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
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