we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
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