last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Actions speak louder than pants.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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