I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
foreskin is a definite game changer
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
