well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
