I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
