Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
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