Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Randomize
