omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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