My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
