Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
