I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Randomize
