I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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