My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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